What Drives a Tantric Life?
When I travel anywhere, but especially India, my obstacles of the mind are reframed. When I am in my little life of work, family, self-care, and day-to-day living, I think that my self-created reality is real. In some ways it makes me feel comforted, in control, responsible, to think that my lists, responsibilities and obligations are the most important things. It affirms my role when I think that my little world would cease to spin if I wasn't directing it. In that space, it's easy to call the impulses of my soul frivolous, and push them off to some unknown future time when things are better suited for it. But then I leave that reality (even if for just a short period of time), and it becomes radically evident that the small life I strive to manage isn't even a fraction of what is real and true.
This "world" is a dynamic, complex universe of interconnections, intersections, and intuitions. It's a tapestry that is woven, unraveled, and rewoven with every breath. It is the most uncertain, mysterious thing that there is, and that is terrifying. Yet, when I choose to surrender to the mystery, to follow my heart and soul's deepest yearnings, somehow that becomes a path of waymarking all its own. I no longer live my life for my dependencies, and instead I open to receive a life of interconnection, synchronicities, and possibilities that don't require my direct knowing or logical understanding--one that doesn't demand I have it all worked out in my head or that I must prove or justify the deep knowing in order to respond to it. This is a life that centralizes faith in mystery, magic, and above all else, a force that is bigger and more intelligent than anything I alone can orchestrate.
At the end of my Camino de Santiago pilgrimage, at 42 years old, I got my first tattoo.
It is a stanza from an Antonio Machado poem that walked with me for 2 months and it says this:
Caminante, no hay camino.
Se hace camino al andar.
Al andar se hace camino.
It means,
Waymaker, there is no way.
You make the way by walking.
By walking you make the way.
In my life, there was every reason not to go. Finances, family, responsibilities, schedules, you name it. My little life was all encompassing. My father had just passed, my mom needed me, my kids needed me, my intimate relationship was falling apart, my business had been on hiatus for 6 months. There was no way I could leave. People needed me, I needed to be here, to stay, to endure and put myself aside for everyone else. And my soul knew my little life was choking the ability to live out of me. So despite all of the reasons not to, I left, and I walked. And in the leaving, and walking, I remembered the full scope of what it means to be ALIVE. In the going, I returned to myself. I won't lie. It created hardship, change, and challenge, but it also created space, evolution, and liberation. Not just for me, but also for the people in my life. It brought what is true and real and most important back to the center, and two years later, I am still receiving the blessings from that choice.
I feel so grateful that decades of this practice and dedicated Tantric living has taught me that when my body, heart and soul say "YES," I must abide. I no longer let my mind take the wheel (most of the time at least), and instead I surrender (Ishvara Pranidhana) to the guidance that is bigger than me. I trust it fully to guide my feet, to make my path as I walk. Once the YES comes, I trust that the journey has already begun, and that it is about me, but it is also SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME, and that is how it is meant to be. Not me authoring my way, but me receiving the way that is offered. Some may call this reckless, but I call it HOLY.
Goddess Pilgrmage to India 2025
November and December have been intense in my life, how about you?
I completed the work and graduated from a Master's Program, bought a house and moved my family into a multigenerational home (my 83 year old mom, me, my 18 year old daughter, 2 dogs and 1 cat). I got pneumonia, then a pleurisy, then a severe reaction to the steroids, whew.
I had to stop a 40 day Sadhana at day 38 because I was too sick to do the practice. I couldn't hike or walk due to breathlessness, and I couldn't do pranayama or meditate to calm my nervous system. Even asana wasn't accessible. It was a walk through some scary territory which demanded that I surrender to the reality of what was happening, and let go of expectations I had for myself. What a powerful practice that was. In many ways it brought me closer to the Goddess than I have ever been, as there were moments where I wasn't sure I would make it through to the other side. I am happy to say that I am finally feeling mostly human again, and able to look forward to the coming year of practice and preparation to lay all of my experiences and feelings down at the feet of the Goddess in her home, the temple spaces that contain her fullest Shakti.
This is the journey of the Goddess. One that is full of twists and turns, one that is unexpected and uncontrollable, one that has no way to predict what lies ahead, but moves forward anyway from a place of knowing that what is right will carve its own path, and it is our work to receive the guidance and walk. Our pilgrimage is destined to be a true journey of the unexpected in the land where the impossible always breaks upon the horizon of the possible. As Andrew Harvey says, "India is our mad mother, and we come to her to be made sane." Our trip is a purposeful pilgrimage to the motherland of Tantra where we will be visiting the Temples of some of the most POWERFUL GODDESSES of the Shakta Tantra tradition, and embarking on a truly devotional and heart opening journey together.
Here are the most important details and links:
Dates are official: January 18-31, 2025
Price is set: $3500 for the 2 Week Itinerary: Registration is $575 which is applied to your trip balance. Click HERE to register NOW.
Here is a list of Trip Details and Temples we will visit (with links when available).
Our friend Nitya Beaulieu will be offering support to schedule Ayurvedic Pancha Karma Add-Ons to begin at the completion of our trip (February 1, 2025) for more information, contact her directly: nitya.om@gmail.com
To prepare you for this journey, Swathy and I are offering 6 classes to provide history, mythology, culture and practice support.
Class 1: January 20 11 AM EST
Purpose & Practice of Pilgrimage
Class 2: March 3 11 AM EST
Mythology of the goddesses 1
Class 3: May 5 Time TBD
Mythology of the goddesses 2
Class 4: July 21 Time TBD
Mythology of the gods
Class 5: September 15 Time TBD
Temple Etiquette + White Saviorism + How to be a culturally aware traveler.
Class 6: November 9 Time TBD
Initiation into Chamundeshwari Advanced Practice + Tripura Sundari (these practices will prepare you for the practice we will do together on the journey, and you will be highly encouraged to do at least a 10 day sadhana prior to our journey).
The cost of this series of classes is included in your trip registration! All classes will be recorded and emailed to registrants who cannot attend in person.
Our trip is 1/2 full, and I have spoken to many of you who are interested. If you are hearing the call, I encourage you not to wait to register. Registration will close on February 15, 2024 due to the complexity of reserving accomodations in India. This is not a retreat, so in true pilgrimage fashion, we will be traveling to multiple locations on our journey. All reservations will be arranged in person in India by Swathy in Spring 2024. Last minute registrations will not be available for this trip.
If you have questions, curiosities, or desires and want to talk more about it, please feel free to reach out to me or Swathy (swathymadhukar77@gmail.com). If this pilgrimage is calling you, we hope you will put your trust in the Goddess to lead the way, and take the next steps.
Many blessings and deep pranams,
Kelly & Swathy
Navratri 2023
Since moving away from teaching Yoga asana and philosophy formally, my practice has transformed into one of deep and abiding devotion. All of the philosophical tenants and hypotheses that I taught and practiced for years have found there way into experiential practice with powerful outcomes. Rather than learning about the Goddess, and am doing the work to discover my own personal embodiment of her, as her, as me. There’s so much more to say about this massive shift and evolution of my practice, and I’m sure as time passes, I will craft the words to share. But, for now, I’d rather show you, and invite you into the experience for yourself.
In alignment with this desire, I invite you to join Swathy Madhukar and myself in a 10-day Navratri Sadhana to celebrate the Goddess Holiday of Navratri, the most significant Hindu and Tantric Goddess festival of the year. Swathy and I will be offering this practice through Vira Bhava Yoga (thanks, Leanne), and would love for you to join us. You can register HERE or by clicking the button below. Swathy and I also joined forces in the latest episode of the Yoga of Resilience podcast to talk about the power of devotion. I hope you will take the time to give it a listen wherever you find your podcasts.
Still Here, but Differently
Hey Yogi Friends,
It’s been a minute. And in that minute my life has changed so much that sometimes I don’t even recognize myself. I sold Vira Bhava Yoga to the wonderful, inspiring, and visionary, Leanne Horvath at the end of December, and have been overjoyed with the transition and fresh approach that Leanne is bringing to the company! Lot’s of people ask me if I miss it, and the honest answer is no. I am still living in and by the principles and values that Vira Bhava Yoga was built on and continues to cultivate. I am still deeply connected to my practices, though that has changed and altered alongside my life path, and I am still inspired to share and serve what I have learned and continue to learn. I am loving connecting with Leanne, and staying engaged with VBY from the sidelines, and I just became an VBY Ambassador!!
What does this big life transformation look like? Well, I have been pursuing a graduate degree in Conflict Management and Resolution (the closest thing I could find to Yogic principles in the “real” (i.e. non-Yoga) world, and have 3 semesters left before I graduate. My hope is to weave together the deep internal philosophies of Tantra and Yoga with the real and measurable external world struggle to turn our spaces of friction and dissonance into opportunities to grow, learn, and love more deeply. Also, I am now the Community Development Coordinator at an Asheville based nonprofit called Thrive, which does Collective Impact work as well as direct service programs in the affordable housing space. Lastly, I am doing work as Yoga Therapist in a private practice, which has been a deeply fulfilling and impactful way to translate these esoteric tools into real support for people in need.
So, in case you were wondering, that’s what I’ve been up to. The big news to share with YOU is that I received official news from the publisher that the book will be hitting the cyber shelves on APRIL 6th!! It feels hard to believe! I am excited to share this labor of love with you. The idea of the book came to me in a meditation the November before COVID, then the entire outline descended the following March in the first weeks of COVID. I spend all of 2020 writing and walking in the woods and wondering what would become of the world as we knew it. I was fortunate to have a small publisher interested in the book even before it was written, and now after my own trials and challenges, my own circuitous path of resilience, it’s finally here! And, I want to share it with you. So, for the first offering of the Yoga of Resilience book and practice club, I want to do it LIVE with you! Let’s explore the chapters and practices together, let’s talk about what Resilience really means in our individual lives, and how Yoga supports our experience of it, let’s sit in a circle .
So, I’m still here, but differently. I am still practicing, still sharing, still learning. I’m still falling down, getting humbled, finding moments of inspiration. I’m still growing. Not growing up, but growing in. Into myself, into my dharma, into my relationship with the world and with you. If you feel inspired to journey through the next chapter with me, join me in April. And, keep tuning into the Yoga of Resilience podcast, and check out our monthly FREE Yoga of Resilience series in collaboration with Vira Bhava Yoga, which will begin again soon!
Many blessings,
Kelly